The Absence of Betrayal

A friend recently asked me if I felt betrayed by my parents who abandoned me as an infant and left me to be raised by my grandparents.

I felt into the question almost expecting to feel a “yes.” But I felt no sense of betrayal in my heart. As I reflected further, I realized it was because I hadn’t felt worthy enough to feel betrayed. In order to feel betrayal, there needs to be an expectation. You need to believe that you deserved more. And I didn’t have that. As a child, I didn’t feel inherently worthy of more, so betrayal didn’t find a place in me. It was simply absence - absence of care, presence, and connection with my parents. Though my grandparents provided these in many ways, there was still a certain absence in relation to my parents that shaped my life experience. But it did not feel like betrayal in my inner world.

In many ways, my life has been about building an inner sense of worth that doesn’t rely on what was or wasn’t given. Worthiness that is intrinsic, not conditional. It’s a journey that has taken years, and one I am still on.

That journey hasn’t been passive. It has included deep somatic work - meeting my younger parts, being present with past experiences, and creating a sense of safety, support, and connection within myself. This process has changed how the past lives in me and helped me build an inner sense of worth that feels grounded and real.

I’ve learned that healing isn’t about erasing the past but about transforming my relationship to it. It’s about creating new pathways of connection within myself - ways of feeling and being that weren’t available to me before.

There’s strength in knowing I don’t have to change the story of what happened to feel whole now. I can honor the work I’ve done to meet it and anchor myself in a sense of worth that is my own.